I used to cut myself

alot

Back about 2 years ago, everything frustrated me. I stoped working on my school work very much, i paid very little attention to my freinds and i became, generally not a nice guy. Then i found pain. I could control pain, i could have it when ever i needed it and it didn't seem that bad. I used a pencil mainly, rubbing it back and forth across my arm, sometimes in places that were really obvious, just so people would see. I have a permenant scar on my left hand and one further up that same arm. I also have one on my leg, and on that occasion i had to go through my clothing to get to the skin. I don't rember it hurting at all.

About two weeks ago, all these feelings came back( in fact one of my few releases was da, thanks guys.) I gone through the cutting and won't be going back to it, i realised how fruitless it was, and also how much pain it caused others.

I finnaly snaped out of the whole thing when i made my mother, sister and one of my best freinds cry, because they couldn't understand what the hell was going on.

I'm worried that i'm going to need to make someone cry this time too. And i think I know who it would end up being. I don't want to though, but that seems to have very little to do with it as it often does in these situations.

I'm not sure why i'm writing about this, i think it may be an outlet thing, but i've never been good at those.

For those of you that know me person please kindly never talk to me about this, for i will dog the conversation.

I'm not ok, but i have plenty of time coming where i can become ok.

just like the rest of us.

--
"he can light you way but that is all, steer your own way back to shore"